Do You Trust Me?
by Karen McCracken
45 miles. According to the flashing light in the car that was how far we could go before the petrol ran out. In and around Portadown this wouldn’t have bothered me, but on the road home from Dublin airport in the cold and dark with no petrol stations in sight it did. Mark assured me umpteen times that there was a service station25 miles up the road and that we had plenty of petrol left. I tried to put it out of my head but found I wasn’t following the conversation anymore. All I could concentrate on was how much petrol was in the tank and how far we would have to walk when the inevitable (at least in my head) happened and we ran out of petrol. I was convinced Mark was wrong about the service station up ahead and told him so quite a few times. As my panic grew I convinced him that our only option would be to veer off the motorway and go looking for petrol around the neighbouring towns.
By now there wasn’t much conversation at all. Mark hadn’t actually said the words ‘Don’t you trust me?’ but he was almost certainly thinking them and probably a lot more besides. I however felt my panic begin to ease as we came across a petrol station. The matter was now under control. It didn’t matter that I had added 30 minutes onto an already long journey. We filled up and made our way back to the road we had left. I will leave you to imagine the turn the conversation took when 500 yards after re-joining the motorway we came across the service station I had emphatically told Mark wasn’t there!
Not one of my finer moments. The more I think about it however I am convinced I am guilty of sometimes treating my relationship with God the same way. When the road ahead seems smooth and going the way I think it should then I have no problem proclaiming that I trust Gods plans for my life. But what happens when I am in the midst of trouble and don’t understand what is happening? Do I still trust then? ’ Deut 31 v 8 tells me that the Lord goes before me and that he will never leave me or forsake me. So that whatever I face or come across I am not alone. But just like that petrol light I find that my circumstance can become all consuming. Panic can rise as I struggle to take control of the situation and it is then that I find I can hear my Abba whisper ‘My child don’t you trust me? I have been challenged as I have tried to answer that question truthfully. I wonder how many situations I have made worse by trying to take control of the situation. I know that I absolutely want to trust Him completely although sometimes my mind can react otherwise. I do know however that I am learning to, learning bit by bit to take shelter in His embrace as I get to know my Abbas heart more intimately. Yes there are times when fear and panic still show up when circumstances change unexpectedly but I am learning to run into the arms of my Abba. He sees what I cannot, His plans towards me are good and He loves me with a love that will not let me go.