The Victory Is His
By Sarah McClatchey
Those who know me will know that I am a very strong willed and independent person.
I always have a plan. I even have a plan on how to plan. NOTHING can take me by surprise, NOTHING!!! I have a plan A, B, C, D, in fact my plans take in the whole alphabet. I have everything under control. Well that was until Tuesday 17th June.
That day started as any other day. I headed off to work, the sun was shining, summer was on it’s way, and I was going on holidays the next morning. What wouldn’t be great about that day? EVERYTHING was under control, until 6pm that evening.
I was downstairs packing for holidays, asking mum’s opinion on outfits. We were laughing and enjoying each other’s company, when all of a sudden out of nowhere this uncontrollable wave of emotion flooded over me. I use the word wave because I felt like I was about to drown. All of these emotions were washing over me trying to take me under. I couldn’t breath, I was sobbing, shaking and over thinking. It was dark, it was scary, it was unknown but worst of all it was uncontrollable. I couldn’t get my thoughts straight. One minute I was thinking of death, next I was imaging my greatest fears, then I was convinced God had left me, He didn’t love me, He hadn’t saved me. Everything I believed in was now up for questioning, nothing made sense, everything was mixed up. All my plans were slipping away. Fear had gripped me, uncontrollable fear.
You may be thinking it was only a moment, we all go through periods like that but sure it only lasts a moment, after that life goes back to normal, everything becomes clear again. But it didn’t. This moment turned into 4 months. After the second month I was exhausted, I had no fight left. My sleeping patterns were up the left, my stomach was in knots, I couldn’t eat due to fear of choking and not being able to sallow. This was now not only affecting my mental health but also my physical health. I was back and forth to the doctors, they were running tests, giving medication but NOTHING was helping. I hated the very thought of leaving the house, and every time I had to, it was an emotional and spiritual battle, one that I couldn’t keep fighting. On some days fear looked like it was winning, the enemy looked like he was winning.
In work, in church, in my ministries, in Asda; everywhere I went confusion, fear and deception followed me. I just wanted to shut myself away. I didn’t feel safe, not even in church and what if my mask slipped, what if someone noticed there was something wrong. I couldn’t show my weakness, especially in church. I could not get rid of this darkness that seemed to be moving in. I came to God many times, broken, hurting and not understanding why. He seemed distant at times but then there were times I sat in awe of His presence, He reminded me of His love for me, that He still had a plan and that even though things to me seemed out of control He was still on the throne and very much in control.
I was still fighting but I wasn’t gaining any ground, or so it seemed. I had so many questions, why was God allowing this to happen? Why did it seem that the enemy was winning? Why had God not stepped in by now and saved the day?
Then one day as I was bringing this all to God again He spoke. The walls did not shake, there was no lightening and this did not all disappear, but He spoke, “Sarah how do you expect me to give you the victory when you are fighting a battle I have already won?” You see the enemy may have thought he was winning in my life, at times I thought he was winning, but what I had not realised is that it was already won. Jesus won the victory over all that was happening in those 4 months. He won it once and for all on the cross, but instead of me standing still and watching the salvation of the Lord I took the battle into my own hands. That day I realised that I had been living and praying all wrong. I have never been in control; it has always been HIM. He is the one who holds my life in His hands. Instead of pleading with God to take this away, instead of giving the enemy ground, I should have been asking God to show me what He was teaching me. I should have been saying “God you have permitted this season for a reason, show me how you are making me like Jesus.” Instead of entertaining the lies and deception I should have been standing and claiming the truth, “There is no fear in love, perfect love casts out all fear, I am chosen, I am accepted, I am covered, I am protected.”
Do I still have days where my thoughts and emotions seem out of control? YES!! But have these days got easier to deal with now due to knowing and living in the truth? YES!!
Church we need to know and claim the truth He speaks over our lives. No more listening to lies of the enemy, no entertaining him, no more giving him ground that just does not belong to him. You are a child of God, forgiven, accepted, and bought with a price. He has a plan and a purpose for your life. He is the mighty Victor and He has fought your battle already and won! No more living in defeat but living in the victory that He has called you too. His death and resurrection was enough. Let’s stop living as if it wasn’t.
Today whatever the battle, step back and remember He has won already, you’re job is to stand on His truth and claim your victory. Remember that your past is forgiven, your future is secure and the present is yours to live.